Saturday, July 30, 2016

Someday

When someday became today 
And someday is when I write nice things about you
And someday is when my house smelled like fresh flowers
And someday is when you wear flannel shirts
And someday is when your skin feels like silk
And someday is when my skin looked like honey
And someday is when you used strawberry chapstick
And someday is when we eat ice cream in the morning
And someday is when you cook for me
And someday is when I write poems for you
When someday became today
I will write you a whole novel

Friday, July 29, 2016

Heat

In these dry spells I really struggle.  When I'm standing in the middle of the desert with no sense of direction and a burning need to find water.  I'm surrounded by the radiating sand and dying plants.  I have no resources to pull from.  I could be stuck here for day or weeks or months.  You will never know until all of a sudden I am no longer surrounded by rising heat but instead have been dropped into a lake.  Deep with hidden mysteries and treasures that are rich for me to find.  But for now I have to stand in this heat, in the middle of nowhere, with no one to help me.  And this was my reality and I had to live it.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Prepare

It had been too long.  We had gone without.  In the back of all our minds we knew it was coming.  But yet we still went on so ignorant of things to come.  The boy in the front room you couldn't hear.  He sat and listened, put his ear to the door to hear, and this was a first.  The girl asleep in her bed had not made a sound for far too long.  When she moved to hear the voices coming from the other side of her wall her reaction was to curl right back up.  The poor woman who sat and heard all the words he said to her could not move anymore.  She had heard the word that tore at her soul and ripped her to pieces.  It wouldn't be long anymore.  That we would go without.  We all know now that it is coming.  So a word of advice,  prepare.

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

This summer

This summer
With nowhere to go
And decisions to be made
Tears fell as often as the rain
Trash cans over flowed with tissues
The house was quite
But the walls screamed
Money held hostage as often as people were
People fell in love
And people made their peace
This summer
Was lonely
Was diffcult
Was necessasry
Was out of nowhere

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Saved Kiss

I've saved you a kiss
It's been tucked in the back pocket of my jeans
It's held my hand when you should have
I've saved you a kiss
It was the jacket I wore on a Friday night
It was my first cup of coffee in the morning
I've saved you a kiss
For four years I've kept it
For you to come and steal 
I've saved you a kiss
I won't keep it much longer
I wont let it go either 

Monday, July 25, 2016

Falling Asleep or Falling In Love

Love for me was like falling asleep
I always craved it
I never wanted it to happen
I fought it every step of the way
But then it took over
I no longer belonged to myself
I belonged to the night
It changed me every time
Taking me in bruised
And releasing me with a new perspective
Love for me was always a struggle
But I savor every moment I had it
Because I knew that it would soon be over
And I could never hold on to it as long as I would like to

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Page One

You were a book I thought that I finished each time we stopped talking
You were the page one that I kept re-reading
You've never closed the book
And I kept writing new chapters
The pages had been stained with water but never tears
And the title was still a work in progress
This book was not my favorite
But it could be a great drama if written properly
Page one of the book was always my favorite page

Saturday, July 23, 2016

The Painting

He was like a painting
A little bit of rain fell
And his hair never fades
His colors swirled together effortlessly
His skin painted with stories
He was straight from a movie
But with a real world heart
This painting moved
He danced across the magazine
He was like the painting that I spent hours looking at
His beauty never faded 
Because his beauty wasn't visible 

Friday, July 22, 2016

City and Country

You're the dirt and gravel of a Tim McGraw song
The hustle and bustle of cowboy boots
A farm boy to his roots
Cowboy hats and big trucks 
I'm clean city streets
My high heels clacking on the pavement 
A city girl dressed in a skirt
Two opposites
That was half the problem
The country played with hearts and lied 
The city way brutally honest and ever changing
The two didn't work
And that was the end of me and you

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Together Again

We sat in his house that afternoon it was like nothing had changed.  We were together again.  Just casually as we did lying on a couch together.  Two people that's all. Music filled the space between us.  Then he would sing, short cute intervals of the beautiful song.  I would smile because this crazy, strange, cute boy was always there.  He was the background noise that kept me young.

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Love Was...

Love was the plane ticket you never bought to come and see me, four years in a row
Love was early morning coffee before the chaos ensued
Love was days in a small town 
Love was driving a van three miles down the road alone
Love was your sunglasses at the bottom of the lake
Love was four wheeling through the forests 
Love was your protective hand over me
Love was 1 a.m. talks about nothing
Love was two thousand miles
Love was not what we had
Love does not know me
Love never did
Love was not love

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Combinations

I feel very lost right now but I also know exactly what I want.  And I've never felt this before.  This deadly combination.  I've felt lost too many times before.  I've known exactly what I want before.  However, I don't know what to do with the two.

Monday, July 18, 2016

Physical

I don't remember your voice.  I don't know if it has a low deep husk to it.  All I remember is your face.  But I haven't seen your eyes they've always been hidden behind your glasses.  I've seen your smile.  It's just how I remember.  But all you've seen of me is pictures.  All we know is physical.  And all I hate is physical.  I have to know who you are.  You say you love me but I'm not the only one.  I know what I need and you know what you want.  The trouble there is they are two different things.

Sunday, July 17, 2016

This House

Doors slammed often in this house.  People never spoke civil in this house.  It was always cold in this house.  The dog was scared often in this house.  I was always hiding in this house.  People were broken in this house.  Pieces were falling apart in this house.  In this house things were messy but the people seemed content in it.

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Friends

I knew when you looked at me like that we weren't friends anymore; it's sad too.  I told you about it.  I let you in.  And all you did was turn around to another girl.  Friends don't nod their heads at each other in passing.  That's all you did.  So thank you for telling me.  Because now I know.  I won't be a fool.  See because we're not friends.  And we never were.

Friday, July 15, 2016

Two Lovers

His smell was stained on my skin.  And his lips were printed on mine.  He was like a love story.  He was sweet and kind and knew how to love a girl.  I was the trouble the broke the two lovers apart.  I was cruel and ruthless and I was meant to destroy.  My skin smelled like him.  But my soul, my soul danced to his love song while I pulled pieces of him apart.  He was too naive to know that I was too broken to love him.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Four Walls

The four walls of my room held in them the remnants of the people who at one time or another held a part of me.  In the closet there's the dress from the boy with blonde hair and blue eyes and a taste for the same.  He left years ago.  On the dresser three coins from the country boy who was short and sweet.  I kicked him out.  On my desk and shelf are the flowers, chocolates, and notes that my old flame hid for me.  I asked him to leave.  On my desk though is the present in the gold box that my past love gave me.  He was never mine so he never really left.  I still have that box.  It sits on my shelf with the vase of flowers that my old flame gave me.  In that box covered with glitter and a bow was my heart that I gave him but he gave right back.

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Her

She looked tired
Like the nights of sleep had only taken away from her
Her eyes constantly red and puffy
The tears were always a fresh memory
And with each one another year fell from her
Her skin was no longer tan and buoyant 
She had turned pale and grey how 
How ill she looked
This woman had taken too much
The weight of the world flattened her
She had been too strong for too long
This was her great down fall
We all have one and this was hers'
But she was strong
She will prosper 
And she will return 
Better than before

Run

When the noises are too loud and the silence seems to distant, you have to run
Run from reality  
Run to the distance 
Run before you lose it all
And that's what I did
I ran
I ran to find the silence
I ran to the meadow of weeds
I ran to the tree with my name carved in it
I ran to the silence 
And the silence found me as I ran

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Summer Tan

You stay with me like a summer tan line that never fades
The color inked on my skin from four years ago
I can see my reflection in the tint of your sunglasses
You stay with me like a summer tan line that never fades
The water would slip in beads off your skin
I can hear the sound of the jet ski in the distance
You stay with me like a summer tan line that never fades
The summer fun never lasted longer than those two months
I can remember the grip I had on you, I had you wrapped around me finger
You stay with me like a summer tan line that never fades
The color of my skin fading darker
You left this dark could over my body 
And I never saw the sun
You stay with me like a summer tan line that never fades 
So until next summer
I'll keep this tan hidden from the sun

Monday, July 11, 2016

Productivity

I worry sometimes that I have noting to say.  That these words that I write mean nothing.  There are times that I feel that I should give this up and do something productive with my time.  But then I remember that without this I would not be living.  I would blend into the group of people who go day to day with no purpose.  That I would become a faceless blob with no identity.  So when these feelings arise I remember that without these words I would be nothing.  So I have to suffer from time to time.  But once that suffering subsides I will be left with my words, my writing, and myself.

Sunday, July 10, 2016

The Boy

He was the boy who held my hand while he was driving
He was the boy who took me to the dollar movies
But he was just that, a boy
Confused by his physical desires
And conflicted by his raging hormones 
He was the boy who said he loved me after two weeks
He was the boy who didn't respect my needs
Never the less I stayed
For far too long
He was the boy who taught me to respect myself
He was the boy who made me want a man not a boy

Saturday, July 9, 2016

Three Days

It's been three days now
My hands are empty
The space between my fingers is unknown to me
My body is cold
Even wrapped in your fabric it's not the same
My lips are dry
Longing to me drenched in you
My heart's the worst though
My heart is whole
But without you here I can feel pieces of it falling off

Friday, July 8, 2016

Tu Me Manques

Tu me manques 
Il y a des moments ou je pensais ne jamis avoir a ecrire a votre sujet
Mais voici le jour
Tu me manques
Je ne vous ai pas vu depuis quatre ans
Je ne sais pas ce que c'est de passer une nuit dans vos bras vous
Tu me manques
Veuillez dire je suis votre et que vous etes le mine
Tu me manques
Revenir vers moi


Promised Love

The only thing in this world that we are promised is love
The choice to love
And the choice to be loved
Everything else is irrelevant and temporary
It is our job to decide 
How to love
Who to love
And how deeply we love
Because I'm the end nothing else mattters

Monday, July 4, 2016

This Feeling

I've felt this before
This feeling of nothing
Of not knowing
Of having no control over your emotions
I thought this was over
But the consumption has returned
The dark rain cloud that covers my sky's has nestled in the crook of my neck again
Like a baby that I needed to comfort
Like a baby who would stop crying unless I sang sweet lullabies of deranged thoughts
I bore this child at the age of 15
Her bones were brittle and skin stained
The labor of bringing her into the world
She gave me this pain for 8 months
Held me captive in the bars of her crib
Cradled me in her blanker of despair
Let me drink from her poisoned bottle
Her cries kept me up at night
The need for attention always on her
But then I realized
The lullabies were just my thoughts
My bones had grown weak and blood stained my skin
The blankets were the sheets of my bed enclosing me in a hot mess
My poison dripped through the words of friends
My cries kept me up at night
I needed the attention
And the man who impregnated me with my depression was as absent as a father could be
The rain clouds came back sometimes
And my consumption greets me as an old friend once and a while
This won't end
This feeling of nothing
Of not knowing
I'll feel this again

Sunday, July 3, 2016

Volcano

Every now and then 
In the house of silence 
A volcano erupts
With this eruption voice are spewed across rooms
It begins in a low rumble
You never see it coming
You thing you can hold on through the uncomfortable trembling
It on grows larger
The eruption grew into a hazard
People were in danger
Women and children fled with fear
This volcano could kill them all
The eruption turned chaotic now
Pieces of debris splattered on the walls
Bones of people that once were lay still on the floor
My volcano erupts every few months or so 
That's all relative
But when it does
It goes off for hours
It digs up stories from the past
Unnecessary deaths occur
It leaves people homeless and confused
It rumbles from the depths of the earth
Grumbling from the pit of its stomach
Every now and then
In the house of silence
A volcano erupts
And no one was ever the same

Months of Lasts

In the months of lasts
I met someone new
I met a person who knew everything and nothing at the same times
They were nothing to be expected 
But everything you would expect
In the months of last 
I met a girl
A girl who changed everything
A girl who knew her direction and dragged me with her
A girl who at crossroads built a new road
A girl who said fuck you and I don't care so much that people stopped asking her questions
A girl who knew what was right and said everything on her mind
In the months of lasts
I fell in love with a girl
The way she would poke and prod at her perfect figure
The way her laugh made her whole face light up
The way she knew who she was and stayed true to it
In the months of lasts
I met myself
I fell in love with myself
In my months of lasts 
I could myself with every step out the door
Every argument I held
Every time I stood up for myself
I met a girl I could fall in love with
And that girl is me