Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Part of Me

Part of me wishes you would break my heart.  To remind me that this is why I don't let people in. Not that I have told you anything.  Part of me wished that you would give me a reason to hate you.  So that I wouldn't hate myself for liking you.  Part of me wishes that you would tell me to leave.  So I wouldn't feel guilty walking away.  Turning my head back slightly to see your face once more.  Part of me wishes that you make me cry.  Instead of smile when I hear your name.  So that I could remember how much a name can hurt. Part of me wishes that you never came around.  So that I would know how it felt to be shunned.  Part of me wished that you would hurt me.  Yell at me.  Curse me with every word you know would hurt me.  So that I wasn't ignorant of pain again.  But Part of me also wished that you would hold my hand.  So that I would remember what it felt like to touch another human.  Part of me wished that you would kiss me.  It's been so long.  To remember that compassion still exists.  Part of me wishes that you would love me.  So that I wasn't alone all the time.  So that you could teach me to love again.  Part of me wishes that you would hold me.  To remind me that everything would be okay as long as I was in your arms.  Part of me wishes you would break my heart and part of me wishes that you would fix it.  And somehow both of those parts were in the same place.  Hidden under the dust of past heartache and past love. 

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